THE GRIMACE OF PAIN
THE COMING OF RAIN
THE STUBBING OF A TOE

MY SWEET LOVE
I AM READY TO CONFESS TO EVERY SIN
THE RUMBLING OF THE GUT
THE RAISING OF THE BUTT
THE FLATULENCE'S RAUCOUS DIN

BUT LO!

THIS IS NOT A MEASLY PRAIRIE WIND
THAT PASSES LAZILY THROUGH THE TALL GRASS
THIS IS A GRINNING OF THE DEVIL
A DEMON'S CAREFULLY CONSTRUCTED BEVEL
A HELL FIRE THAT RIPS FROM YOUR ASS!

FROM WHAT I THOUGHT WAS MY OWN FAULT
TO CAUSE YOU SUCH A LOOK
TWAS' A STALK OF BROCCOLI
A SPROUT OF BRUSSELS
A MISCALCULATION BY THE COOK

SO WHITE KNUCKLE MY DEAR
HOLD TIGHT FOR LIFE
AS YOUR INTESTINES COME TREMBLING OUT
WHATEVER YOU ATE
MY SUCCULENT DATE
IS MAKING YOUR BUTT SHOUT

BUT BLESS THE HEAVENS
AND ALL THAT IS ETERNAL
THAT THIS HAS COME TO PASS
WHAT I THOUGHT WAS THE END
THE LOSS OF MY FRIEND
WAS JUST A SPOT OF GAS.